Teacher

You are here
hiding in a corner
arms crossed
xxxxxxxxxxparalyzing
chilling my spine

Inviting me to lay down
xxxxxxxxxxin ashes
to sink down into the
depths of what I once
thought to be all there was

A gravitational pull
as I some days push away
the urge to sink into the
bottom of the very place
where as a boy I
xxxxxxxxsat at the back of the class
xxxxxxxxon a rickety wood chair

You cut my wrists and bled me dry
pushed me from a window and I
turned to dust in flight
xxxxxxxxto land
to cover white in gray
to be sunk down by rain
planted deep in the ground

From there I crawled silently
climbed for days
xxxxxxxxweeks
xxxxxxxxyears
xxxxxxxxdecades
past waiting rooms of
sterilized medical offices
xxxxxxxxleather couches
where I turned myself inside out
with organs and thoughts exposed
outside my thin skin
xxxxxxxxtranslated to notes
xxxxxxxxand diagnosis on paper pads
xxxxxxxxpast afternoons with blinds drawn shut
xxxxxxxxto close out crowds
xxxxxxxxeyes of strangers

You have always been there
a constant reminder of
painful red palms
xxxxxxxxclaustrophobic
dark locked closets where
in my nightmares
walls felt like they had grown
spikes to crush me
and blows so hard
xxxxxxxxthat shattered wood and blackboards
xxxxxxxxbruised the will to live
xxxxxxxxtaught me gestures of self-hatred
xxxxxxxxthe only thing you were kind enough to show me

Part of me
will always remain the boy you broke
though the man I have become has covered him
in a shelter made of photographs
scraps of paper scribbled with poems
held him with arms wrapped from behind
xxxxxxxxaround his ribs
xxxxxxxxcradled his head
xxxxxxxxbecame the teacher you never were

7 Comments on “Teacher

  1. This is excellent. I love how it’s essentially a very inspiring story of overcoming the abuse and oppression of others over our lives, and doesn’t read like a self help book at all. Harsh reality, yet still leaves you with that hope, that fulfilment of personal strength.

    1. Hey…Thanks again, it’s actually a summary of the darker side of my childhood, positivity has finally won, but I still have my dark days when I want to tare sh*t up 😉 though those are very few and far between.

      1. We all have the dark days. You can’t be happy all the time. What kind of life would that be? We’d never really appreciate those precious, wonderful moments if they were all wonderful. It’s the balance of the universe. The yin yang.

    1. Thank you for that, it took me a little while to hit the submit button on that one, those were a series of events that shaped me.
      It’s nice of you to go that far back on my posts.

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